Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
the gays at disneyland are vicious
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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