And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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