My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Randomize
