oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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