Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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