what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Come share oat with me in your robe
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
