the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Randomize
