is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
