there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
