The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
