im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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