I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
