well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
