I could have mohawked her pubes.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I pour the whiskey from now on
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
