I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Terrible idea I love it
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
