she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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