I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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