if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
