If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
It's never too late to be topless.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
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