I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
