I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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