mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
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