There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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