Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Randomize
