You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
