You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
