I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Girls should come with a carfax report
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I FOUND THE LEGS
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Randomize
