sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
