Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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