I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
then he tried to convert me to islam
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Randomize
