Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Randomize
