I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Randomize
