were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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