She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Why is your signature on my underwear?
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
