It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
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