A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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