It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
