i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
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