i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
