i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
people are starting to question the shark bite story
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
