They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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