Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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