i don't plan on having that self control this summer
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
