Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Randomize
