My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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