Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
