4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
