Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Randomize
