Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
birth control should be required to get into college
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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