I think my vagina is haunted
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Randomize
