not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
