Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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