is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
