The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
