He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
