Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
drinking out of a sandbucket again
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Randomize
