I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
