a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
