we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
