I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
