So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
